it's funnie how a silly little band can make you feel so many different things.  and how one person in that band, that makes the music you love, can overwhelm you with feelings that one day may have seemed so ridiculous.  and yet right now i love very single moment of it. 

it fills up my chest  with breath.  it echos as i dance.  i draw it in everything i do. 

i fills my stomach and fills my passion and fleeting desires and vanities.

and as much as i hate it, i absolutely fucking love it.

and the most romantic part about it is that i'm not the only one.  and i know it.  and some of them will never quite know what it is that i feel . . .

this whole cycle is so exquisitely beautiful to me.

Currently Listening Commit This to Memory By Motion City Soundtrack see related

again, as usual i am so fucking TIRED and i'm so fucking SICK of men!  i'm so goddamn ANGRY right now i can't even stand it.  what the fuck!?!  if i wasn't so goddamn sexual this may not be so hard.  i am sooooooooooooooooooooooo sick and tired of bullshit boys, bullshit relations and bullshit relationships. 

someone needs to save me from myself RIGHT NOW!!!

Currently Listening Broken World By Lost City Angels see related

seriously.

why do men have to be ALL the same!?!

i am so bloody sick of it! 

so i've got this fucking guy who acts as though he is so into me, wants to see me more, wants me to fly out to see him, wants to visit me in TX, wants to see me after tour . . . then NOTHING.  a week of attention every fucking single day to nothing.  to a random call here and there, to answering only SOME emails to fucking NOTHING.  to reading those fucking emails with NO REPONSE. 

i fucking hate them all.

and this is how my life goes.  i know i dug this fucking hole, but i'm so tired of it.  i know i dug this lifestyle for a long while, but i'm so fucking SICK of it.

then as soon as this one begins to dissipate, another one pops back into the picture from NO WHERE.  what the fuck?  why is this cycle circle my life?

and now it's "i'm so glad we're talking more" and sending me sweet photos and acting as though now we are best friends when even he was few and far between. 

do i have a sign on me that screams SUCKER?

i'm so over it.  and i am a sucker.  for attention from too many men, and in need of more than ONE man . . . i hate them ALL!

everytime i try and cut one off, another one comes along.  a new one or an estranged one that has come back for more, or is coming to town or just wants MY attention.  as soon as i settle down again you know that they WILL ALL be coming at me at the same time.  that is how this shit works.  i've been single for TOO long to be dealing with this bullshit drama. 

BULLSHIT drama.  all of it.  just be my friend and love me and give me attention and let me be your outlet of escape in a non-sexual way!  please, just once.  but forever. 

what am i gonna do?  i hate them all.  i really do.  not one of them sticks to their word, not one of them really cares about me but only when they are in town, not one of them gives a shit!  i used to be so good at letting all of this go, but it seems that lately i've been overwhelmed and am so tired of being without a stardard that i'm falling into a pit of SHITHEADS.  seriously.  i'm fucking FED up.  but i still give in.  and when i decide NOT TO GIVE IN a new one pops up!  or an OLD one does. 

i have some weird sign on me that attracts these motherfuckers. 

really!

and being a womanizing and infidel, bastardizing male must be in these guys CONTRACTS whenever they sign with a label!  it's like it's part of the orientation training prior to going on tour! 

FOR REAL!!!

Currently Listening Gypsy Punks Underdog World Strike By Gogol Bordello see related

it seems that no matter what we do, no matter who we kiss, no matter who we talk to, no matter who we fuck, we always find out from the beginning or in the end that we are GETTING TOO GOOD AT being THE OTHER WOMAN !

fuck motherfucking MEN!

i am so over all of this, and yet i still prefer being single.  maybe that is why this shit keeps happening to me!  i feel like i have a sign on me that YELLS:

"I AM A PERFECT OTHER WOMAN!!!"

seriously!  bloody hell! 

all i know is that right now i am going to eat alot.  spent $50 plus bucks on a great sushi meal for LIZ and I, went to some geigh as radio festival only to realize that i wasn't gonna pay $34 to get in and neither was LIZ.  so we just listened to Motion City Soundtrack from the front of the venue because that is really all we went to go and see and we are going to see them tomorrow anyways.  

Still angry about everything.  Angry about nothing.  I still would rather be in no one's arms and everyone's pants.  I am a paradox, so LIZ says . . . 

I just want some pizza . . . Pizza Hut better be delivering LATE! 

Currently Watching Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (Widescreen Edition) By Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Tom Wilkinson see related

beth and i got really drunk last night . . .

and it was really cute. 

sang saves the day songs even though we couldn't remember most of the lines, walked to the store for popcorn only for them to BE OUT!!!!  that sucked! 

then dan drove us to walmart for a late night, 1 AM run, for POPCORN, PICKLES and ORANGE JUICE. 

yeah . . . it made NO SENSE!

but we came to this conclusion:

BETH IS A MASTER OF POPCORN!!!
"as a master of popping popcorn your are 98.99% accurate!"

yep, she knows how to get those kernals going!!!

and she always has the hiccups! . . .